Real Roast Jokes, PT. II

                                                       

As per our previous post, here's some more actual samples of the customized funny speech and roast writing that we do for our clients, for all occasions, whether it be a birthday roast, wedding speech, bar mitzvah speech, or a roast/speech for any business, corporate or public event or occasion. Anyway, check out this roast sample courtesy of us here at Funny Biz Writers....


Louie's been talking for a long time about getting a pool done in his backyard. He doesn't want to actually swim in it- he just wants to fill it with money and jump in like Scrooge McDuck. But seriously, if Louie puts in a pool, he'll get subsidy funding... from Save The Wales. They've determined that the water is his natural habitat.

But seriously, I think a swimming pool would be a great thing for Louie. First of all, he could bet on his grandchildren when they swim laps. Second, when one of his “business associates” crosses him, they could accidentally and mysteriously drown. And third, when the cops finally come for Louie, he could float on a raft in the middle and claim its “offshore betting.” But Louie, just in case you do go ahead with the pool, I've already gotten you a couple of pool-warming presents. A life preserver made of lead. And suntan lotion that attracts bees.